


Princess Cut From Marble

by Vodkaribs



Category: Star Wars
Genre: AU, F/F, Lesbian AU, Rule 63
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-25 16:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6201811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vodkaribs/pseuds/Vodkaribs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brenda Hux is always trying to live up to her father's expectations. It's a mans world and she has to prove herself everyday. When she is introduced the mysterious Lady Ren, she begins to feel her mask breaking. Bennie Solo felt forgotten and neglected, she killed that old scared child and became Kylo Ren, an adult who was terrified but pretended not to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This chapter is very short, but next chapter is not.

\---- 

She was born in the last days of the Empire on the rainy, lonely planet of Arkanis on the outer rim. Her mother died in childbirth, something that her father held against her. The father she was named for. She was supposed to be a He, but fate chose otherwise. She grew up with an underdog context to life but with an appetite for power like her father who even after the fall of the empire strived for success, even going as far as to work with the new republic. This hunger grew exponentially during adolescence, she enrolled in the Arkanis Academy. The First Order was a new shady political faction that grew everyday more apart from the new republic. She hoped this somehow would make her father proud. He always talked about the balance of the Empire and the chaos of the Republic. He’d merely nod his head at her high marks and and ignore her praises. \----  
At 15 she grew tired of this constant disenchantment and chopped off every bit of her hair. She held out the clumps to her father and wanted to shout but all she could do was tremble. \----  
“Am I what you want now?”  
He shook his head. Time had aged him badly and the stresses of life showed on his face in deep chasms of wrinkles and his red hair had grown pale.  
\----  
“This is not how you become a man. You can never. This is not how you become equal.” He slapped the hair from her hands and left for the rest of the night.  
\----  
One might have been weakened by such an event but not her. She grew her hair to her shoulders and tied it every day into the tightest bun. She continued to surpass her peers and earn a name for herself. Within years she earned her favorite title, General, surpassing her own father in rank.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter, Kylo backstory

She was named after Ben Kenobi, the man who brought her family together. By fate inadvertently bringing her mother and uncle together to save the galaxy. She was a new addition to a royal family of a forgotten and long gone world. But for her family she represented hope. Hope for the future and the continuation of order.  
  
Her father loved her more than the world itself. To him she was perfect in every way and he couldn’t ask for more, and she looked up to him from a very young age. He wanted to protect her from every mistake he had ever made, and in some ways this shaped him. he wanted to be the man she thought he was. Her mother loved her just as much, but she couldn’t fight a nagging worry in the back of her mind. Her child was destined for things. Things she could only barely see in her dreams. Something great or something very terrible. Han was blissfully unaware.  
  
One day while she tidied the kitchen, Leia knocked over a glass and it hit the floor with the most awful noise. Bennie had been sitting on the floor watching her mother, but she now stood staring blankly at the glass and rose her tiny hands above the shards. Leia watched painfully as even the tiniest bits began to quiver and move. They almost danced on the stone floor. when they lifted up she finally gasped and the pieces clattered down to the floor. Leia swooped down to her daughter and grabbed both her hands shaking furiously, scaring the girl who immediately started crying.  
  
Han could hear the commotion from outside and he came as fast as he could to defend his family from some unknown assailant. But all he found was his wife and daughter sitting in a mess of glass. (Han cleaned up the glass and gave everybody a big kiss and tucked them into bed and then everything was fine the end.  
  
That night Han and Leia talked all through the night in hushed whispers and quiet screams. All they could do was bottle up their fears. Leia feared for her daughter and in some deep space in her mind she feared her daughter. Days turned into weeks and months and they carried on like nothing had happened. And the space between Han and Leia began to grow. Han felt like a sore thumb, left out of some secret. He became sort of recluse working alone into the wee hours of the night. He used to have Bennie sit on the workbench while he regaled stories of the rebels and greasy criminals while she handed him tools. But now those days were done and now she would be nothing like him. He missed her more than anything.  
\--  
Something sinister was growing under their noses and Leia could feel the faint whispers of it. In Bennie’s dreams a shadowy figure had begun to appear. It began to whisper. She couldn’t understand it all she could do was lie still and listen. It began to grow louder. It told her how her mother was scared of her and weak. Jealous of her strength. How her father didn’t care and was selfish. She was better. She was stronger. She didn’t need them and she could do was listen while the poison poured in. The final straw came when Leia was coerced into silent conversations from rooms away. A child doesn’t speak to their mother without words.  
  
Her heart ached when she watched her child leave with her brother to some distant place. Han couldn’t bear to watch. But that was the last they saw of their daughter.  
  
Of course she would write and send messages, but as the years went on and her training became strenuous, the messages became few and far apart. Leia convinced herself this was the best route. Her gifts were too strong to be contained and needed to be focused.  
\--  
In Bennies dreams she saw visions from the shadowy figure of her “glorious” lineage. Visions of power and order. She continued to surpass the other younglings. She fought with a certain ferociousness that scared the other children so she only practiced against her uncle. She also grew increasingly well at force manipulation able to move things with ease and stop attacks. At night she delve into the other students dreams. They mostly dreamed of home. At this time the shadow not only appeared in her own dreams but it the others, encouraging this mind sifting. He also started to leave dreams completely, instead whispering in her ear all day everyday.  
  
“You're better than them. You're stronger, they have no order. No discipline, your teacher, your uncle is a fool. He doesn't know real power. He's holding you back.”  
Things went on. Her resentment grew. 

  
“Your family abandoned you. They don't care. I care. They only want to use you. The Jedi only use you, you are a puppet of their dharma. Your grandfather did a service of wiping them out. They only bring chaos and disorder.” The shadow grew biting in his words. 

  
Luke approached her very early one morning, interrupting the shadow. Luke could feel the heaviness in the air. He had felt it for months and it grew just like his concern. 

  
“You have grown so much.” He put his hands on her shoulders, she didn't make an effort at eye contact.   
“I think... I think you might be ready for something new.” He stammered. “Two things, actually. But you must complete the first to get the other.” He took her by her sleepy hands and led her far into the woods. They hiked for hours. The swampy world Luke called home was invested with various biting insects. It was also plagued by sudden downpours. By the time they stopped at an overgrown thicket, she was soaking wet and covered in feverish bites. 

  
“Go into the thicket and find the cave, there you be meant with an obstacle. You must face your deepest fears and secrets there. I can't come with you. It’s time for nightmare crossfit.” He pressed the saber hilt into her hands that shivered. 

  
She climbed into the mess of the mess of thorns and vines, scraping her face and shins. As Luke had said there was a clearing to a mouth of a dark cave. The air swirled with whispers and faint screams and cries. Her heart pounded out of her chest. 

  
Something came charging out of the mouth. With a quick reflex she withdrew her sabre for cover. Her feet braced against the muck with the blow of flashing blue and red and electric air cracking. She didn't want to look up at the assailant but she knew they were some trained Jedi. Her feet sunk deeper into the mud. 

  
“Ahhhhha!” She pushed off the attacker with heavy might. She finally faced the knight. She recognized this thing as her grandfather from her visions. She stood back and lowered her weapon. As did the figure. 

  
“This is your destiny.” She could hear a whisper in her ear and a cold breath on her shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut and and raised her sabre and twirled around to strike the voice. It swept through suspended dust. Then suddenly she was alone. No Vader, no shadow. Then she heard weeping. A child.

 It was crouched at the foot of the cave. Head between its knees. 

  
“Look at how weak and scared she is. So unbalanced and foolish.” The cold breath returned, it made the air frigid and her breath clung to the air. “Put her out of her misery. She was never meant to be.” The shadow became tangible as hands on her shoulders.

“Who is she?” She thought out loud to the voice.

“A ghost.”

She raised the sabre above her head and hurled it forward at great speed. Just as she did this the child looked up, but it was too late. The child was her. Loss of innocence.

  
The vision was strong and the blood pooled over the ground. And her eyes stung with tears.

  
“Don't fret. You're not them. They are dead. You're the stronger.” The figure materialized. It had a mutated face covered in scars.  
“You’re worthy to be my student.” All his features were elongated and clay colored. He raised a boney finger to his lips. Held out his other hand to her. She trembled and held hers under. Something dropped into her hand. A kyber crystal, much like her first, but jagged and it began to glow red, her heart raised into her throat and the crystal grew bright with awful energy. She could see bluish cracks race across the surface and it burned in her hand. She closed her palm and her eyes.

  
“Thank you…” she whispered.

  
“Master.”

  
“Thank you master.”

…

  
“What did you see?” Luke stopped her as she struggled past him.

  
“I can’t say.”

  
“Why?”

  
“It was too much to comprehend.” She wiped her eyes, still looking for blood. She could feel it all over her hands.

  
“It's okay to be afraid. We all carry fear. But in this fear we can find tranquility through the force. Balance.” He pulled her into an embrace but she did not reciprocate.  
“I want you to meet someone.” He smiled. Her face remained stone.

  
She felt like the kyber would burn a hole through her pocket. She walked far behind Luke, talking to Master. She was now Kylo Ren and she would have to wait for further training. Till the right time.

  
Back at camp, the younglings had begun their day with quiet meditation. The older ones waited for Luke and Kylo.

  
“Bennie, meet Rey.” She hated that name. Bennie was dead. There was a tiny girl around three or four hiding behind Luke's robes.

  
“Rey, this is Bennie, your teacher.” Luke became soft in his voice. The other children had broken their concentration to watch the interaction.

  
“Ahh, Lu--Master?” The words were sour.

  
“You are beyond your years and Rey here shows incredible promise.”  
Kylo felt a twinge of jealousy. Her powers would be ignored for the sake of teaching.

  
The girl's hair whipped around in the chilled wind as she huddled. Her mind was muddled with blurry images of of some fiery place. All she had was fear. Just like Kylo.  
She felt a whisper of sympathy. She readjusted, that was wrong. That's fake, but she felt it anyway.

  
“She'll corrupt you, just like the other.” Master’s words shot into her head like a scream.

  
“She's strong, Master, can't you feel it?”

  
“You're stronger, but be at a discretion, Kylo Ren.” The voice slipped back into her head.

  
There was a place in her mind where she hid Rey away. She took the girl by her hand and continued to keep her close. The little one refused to chop her hair like the others, so Kylo fitted it up out of her face. Rey was of course, ecstatic. Kylo smiled for once in a very long time. She felt a bond. Not as student and teacher, but something deeper. She wanted to groom Rey into something great, she wondered if this was how the Master thought of her years ago. She was wrong.

  
…

  
“It's time to cut ties. This is taking too long and my patience wears thin.” Kylo’s long quiet Master broke the record silence after months.

“I need more time with her!” Kylo pleaded.

“You sound like that child begging in the cave.” The Master hissed. “You've formed an unhealthy attachment. This only brings imbalance.”

“Please Master, forgive me, I was weak of the mind and soul. What must I do?” Kylo went to her knees.

“End the Jedi. Do what you were destined to do. Bring balance.” He resolved.

“I need guidance, Master.”

“You are strong Kylo, I'll lead you the right way. Did you use the crystal?” Master inquired.

“No, I…”

“Use it at once.”

“Yes, master.”

She tore into the hilt of her sabre and ripped open the chamber. She held the blue crystal for a moment. Bennie would have had an attachment to it, but she was dead. She tossed the crystal away and fitted with the nearly shattered red.

“I'll keep Skywalker away. His mind is feeble. Go to the sleeping chamber.”

“Yes, Master.”

She entered in as quiet as death. None of them stirred.

“Lady?” She was addressed by a sleepy eyed child. “They are earthly attachments, cut them and be free.” Master’s voice drifted away. She saw herself in that child, or she saw Bennie in them. Forgotten and hidden away.

“I need to let go.”

“What, lady?” The child murmured. She cut him down where he stood and dozen heads shot up. The older ones reached for their sabres. But Kylo ripped them from their shaking hands. They all screamed. She stopped the shrill cries by closing up their throats. Breaking tiny windpipes. Unlike the vision at the cave, this blood was very real.  
She stepped over their torn bodies, her bare feet stepping in pools of blood. She was covered. Her heart beated in a drum like pattern. The executioner.  
Rey slept in the same chamber as Luke, who so far had not stirred.

“Bennie?” Rey sat straight up and whimpered.

“Bennie is dead.” Kylo said, hushed.

“But, Ben--” Her voice choked up when she caught glimpse of the blood.  
She opened her mouth to scream, but she was stifled. Her throat closed.

“I'm sorry.” Kylo came closer. Then came an activation of a sabre, but not her own.

“Bennie.” Luke stood behind her. Kylo let go of Rey’s throat but proceeded to pick her up. She threw Luke down, so hard she her the crack of bones.

“Weak.” Kylo muttered. Rey sobbed, burying her face in Kylo’s chest.

When she left the compound, she remembered the sobbing Rey in her arms. Master was off antagonizing Luke while Kylo walked blindly into the woods.  
Luke had said something about a cruiser. What was she doing? Where would she go?

The best thing would be to kill Rey. But she wasn't old. She wasn't a Jedi. She never would be.

…

Kylo remembered Han Solo taking her to a place called the Nima outpost on a sandy planet of Jakku. They had come for parts, Han Solo called this place shady and forgotten. Rey should be forgotten. She made sure Rey would forget her.

This blood would never wash away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Meeting of Hux and Kylo. Tensions mount.

_13 years later_

They were so off schedule. The First Order was struggling to stay on track. StarKiller was a year behind. Supreme leader, the face behind the order, would be cross.

She gathered up the rolls of stats, stats Snoke would ignore ms demand more results from his overworked general.

 

“Ah, General Hux, wonderful you to join us.” Snoke motioned her forward. There was someone else in the throne chamber.

“You requested me?” Hux bowed her head. There was single hair out of place. She plucked it without hesitation.

“Yes, General. You are loyal servant and I feel another one in command will help get rid of any delays for the weapon.” Snoke sat back to let the information soak. The other man was silent. He was a bit taller than Hux, but shorter than captain Phasma. He was cloaked in black, his face covered by an apparatus.

“Meet Kylo Ren, my most trusted servant. Kylo will be helping to oversee construction while continuing the hunt for the last of the resistance and Jedi.”  Snoke clarified.

“The Jedi? That old dogma? How laughable, they are no threat. Not for ages.” Hux almost laughed.

“You laugh because you cannot even begin to comprehend the complexity of the force.” Kylo spoke.

Hux grew goosebumps. This Ren was no man.

“Hush now, Kylo. General, bow before your lady.” Snoke cooed. Hux rolled her eyes slightly and dropped to one knee. Her eyes tilted up to watch the masked woman look down and hold her hand out. Hux nodded halfly, she brought her pink lips to the thick gloves. No warmth radiated from beneath.

She gathered herself back up. Not fully composed.

“I look forward to our continued work together, General Hux.” Her voice was still that authoritative snap. Blood rushed to her translucent cheeks. Suddenly she was flustered and stifled. All the air had left the room.

“Uh, yes. I as well.” She almost choked on air. She tucked the rolled stats under her arm and proceeded to leave. Followed by Ren.

“I expect results!” Snoke bid them. Hux almost tripped over her own feet. Her cheeks were almost as red as her hair.

 “What's wrong with you? What was that display?” She hissed at herself.

“Idiot.” She growled. She returned to work, all while feeding away at her embarrassment. Replaying the event over and over. That behavior didn't command respect. It made her weak. A subordinate. She would never be such.

The doors to the crew bay hissed open. Of course it was Ren. The way she walked commanded authority. She walked with purpose, she didn't meander like most. The mask also carried on the mystique of her appearance. A complete mystery. Could she be disfigured or just hiding? Hiding like Hux, except more physically.

Ren walked right past her, toward Phasma across the bay. The displaced air left her hands pricked with goosebumps. Hux could walk in and blend in with the other men, but Ren could stick out like a sore thumb but still carry a confidence. Was it jealousy or admiration?

…

Kylo didn't really sleep, not anymore at least. Sleep used to be all she had, she'd curl into a fetal position and sleep for countless hours. Master had told her sleep was unregulated thought and thus brought chaos, so sleep was off the table. Now she meditated. She would concentrate all her energy and draw new energy from the force, thus evading sleep. Her visions were now her dreams. Most these visions came from Master, building up the glory of the Order.

_2 years later_

 

Even after two years of work, Hux had never actually seen Ren. Usually she was off “meditating”, “looking for Skywalker,” or simply off the base altogether unless she was visiting Snoke.

Hux found their relationship very symbiotic.

Ren brought the presence of death wherever she went. System to system, planet to planet. Death was a constant. The bloodshed on Jakku brought a whole myriad of problems. She hadn't heard word of her family in years. She'd given up tracking them. But hearing that old man filled her with rage only quenched by cutting him in two, and by extension the rest of the village. This planet was cursed. This was not the Nima Outpost, but the anger still remained. “They weren't your family, they aren't your family. They're her family. You're not her.” This played on repeat. These mental readjustments only did so much. She felt like a piece of paper being seered at the edges threatening combustion. The noose was tightening and and the flames were growing. “I feel it again, the call from the light.” Her words echoed in the chamber.

…

After spending endless days of night on the Finalizer, Hux had such an out of balance sleep schedule. She would wake before the sun would rise and work in the lab bay. She would sometimes take a few minutes to write to her father. His decaying health made him forget to respond.

She sat with stacks of papers and a cup of tea. It was snowing, well more of a blizzard. The large windows had frosted over and it made the lab frigid. The doors in the back had opened but she didn't look up to see who it was, probably a trooper doing rounds. But it wasn't. It was Kylo Ren.

She moved around the edges of the room like some predator. Hux sunk into her chair and by doing so knocked her tea and papers onto the hard floor, sending ceramic in all directions.

“Fucking shit.” She hissed and dropped to the ground. She saw the edges of Ren’s boots.

“Ahh, Hello.” She stammered.

“What are you doing this morning, Ren?”

“Checking transmissions.” She was astute.

“Couldn't sleep?”

“Never.”

“Me too, I guess.” Hux shrugged.

“Hmmm.” There was a bit of feedback from the apparatus. Hux stacked up her papers, spattered with tea.

“Hell.” She muttered and reached for a ceramic shard, but it moved at speed away from her. The pieces danced off the floor and into Ren's hand. Reformed into its original shape. She had seen Ren stop blaster rays in mid fire and pull men to their knees with a flick of her fingers. This is what Hux knew of the force. It's power and ferocity. But this was so different. It was domestic, not useful but a gesture.

Ren set the cup down on the desk and let Hux get to her feet.

“Um, thank you. Showing off?” She regretted her words.

 

“If my actions prior have not impressed you yet, General, then it is a lost cause.” Ren remained motionless. “Hmm, I guess you’re right. Well, if it means anything, I’m impressed.” She could swear she almost heard Ren laugh quietly. This made her stomach very lurchy.

“I didn’t know you were aboard, actually.” Hux tilted on the balls of her feet.

“Well, I am. I need to work.” She said. “Care for company?” She winced at this. In any context this would be inappropriate, but she remained silent.

“Alright, well I’ll be here then.”

“Where are you from, General?” Ren threw her a bone.

“Ahhh, Arkanis. My father was stationed there during the Empire.” Overshare, overshare.

“Where are you from, sorry?” She rescued it.

“Nowhere.”

“Alright then.” Hux cleared her throat, there was a ball in it.

“If we’re going to talk like this, I’d prefer to talk to a person, rather than a machine.” She bit her tongue. Her heart rate had increased, exponentially. Ren reached up to the sides of helmet and clicked them open. Hux held her breath. She could be easily killed right now. But the helmet was removed and all that stood there was another person. No more hiding. Her hair was an inky color that dropped hot and heavy from the confines of the helmet. Her skin was pale and dotted with dark moles, but her features were dark. Her eyes rimmed dark and her lips a sickly shade of fleshy gray. She looked in so many words, exhausted. A face weathered by so many sleepless nights. Hux swallowed hard and sucked in as much stale air as possible.

“I can see you now.” She whispered.

“And I, you, general.”

“What's it like?”

“What's what like?” Ren tilted her head.

“The force?”

“Indescribable. Like being connected to every single living thing. Feeling them live and die.” Her face had softened. She was doe-eyed, her brown eyes had grown shiny. “What's Arkanis like?” Ren pretended to be interested.

“Uh it rains a lot. It's actually kind of nice, because you get used to it and it's calming and when it's sunny you find yourself longing for the rain.” Hux found herself daydreaming. She remember wearing tall rubber boots in the mushy green woods. Her orange hair in braids. Her eyes as green as the moss.

“I can see it.” Ren leaned into Hux’s forehead. “The mist like ice on your cheeks.” She too sounded reminiscent. Hux could hardly breath. She trembled and absent-mindedly rested her hand on Ren’s shoulder for support. Foreheads pressed. Ren put the opposite hand on Hux’s shoulder. They listened to the sound of the wind and snow. So quiet, they didn't breath.

Hux imagined the misty mountains and watching as endless storms passed over them.

“It's beautiful.” Ren whispered. She didn't even mind Ren digging through her mind. Their breaths had intermingled and it was suddenly so hard to stand. She moved her feet in a puddle of tea while a single bead of sweat trailed down her forehead. She wanted to taste Ren's lips. She smelt like Arkanis rain in the dawn. She slipped her hand behind Ren’s neck and moved her head down, their lips brushed for a second before Hux was pushed back onto the ground.

“General? Is there something you're not saying?” Her voiced cracked. Her face molded into a surprised scowl. And her eyes watery.

“I'm sorry R-My lady! It was pure weakness. Pure slip of logic.” Hux stood up like an attentive soldier.

“I was not myself, My Lady.”

“No. You were yourself.” Her words bit the air between them.

“Carry on.” She was gone in an instant.

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did that happen? Why did those feelings or thoughts cross her mind? Stupid. Her father would use this as an example of her weakness, of her need to be inferior.

She touched the cup sitting on the table and it collapsed into shards.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The starkiller base had its greatest and worse moments in the pan of only a couple days. The First Order is beaten for now, but they will rise once Ren completes her training. Hux however is reluctant. Ren is badly injured so she steals her away. 
> 
> It feels a bit rushed at the beginning so bear with me  
> *
> 
> *
> 
> *

Hux stood on the stage of the StarKiller base, surrounded by troops and the lead commanders and captains. Captain Phasma nodded to her to begin the speech. This was her moment. The moment when her father would be proud. 

“Today the Galaxy will bow to the First Order and the treacherous republic will be wiped out, once and for all!” Her voice carried through the crowd and they responded in a direct matter, fists raised. 

The orders were given, it was time to begin. The massive beam of energy shot from miles from where they stood, but she could feel the heat sear her cheeks. This is what it had all been leading up to.

Kylo stood on the main deck of the Finalizer. She watched the red beam shoot across the horizon. Just like the beam, she was too on a path of destruction. She could feel the tens of trillions of voices cry out at once only to be silenced in an instant. Her stomach lurched and she was ready to lose composure. At least her general was happy. She could feel that much. 

She might be seeing Han Solo again for the first time in almost 20 years. She was also thinking about the girl from Jakku who was supposedly traveling with the BB unit. Jakku itself brought back many memories, memories that should have been forgotten.

Old fires have a way of reigniting. Snoke would call this tricks of the light. These fires had names. Han Solo, Rey, Luke, and Hux. All the fires burned her at the edges. Being eaten alive. 

“Careful, Ren.” The general’s cautionary words echoed through all the fires.

When Snoke asked for Rey, the flames began to engulf. When Han Solo died, holding his daughter’s face one last time, they consumed. The noose was set and the bones black. 

She followed Rey and the boy into the woods, with the flames licking her wounds. Each step hurt like no other and the blood smeared all over. She felt like some wounded caged animal. Her mouth tasted like copper. Rey was so strong, she was never meant to be here. She should be a no one on Jakku or dead. Not here, not now, fighting for her life against Kylo, and by all odds winning. Her sabre felt heavy in her hands. This was a fight that has been played out time and time again, with the elder losing. It was a losing game. The fire had won and it lived in Rey now. 

She lay in the blood soaked snow, listening to the sound of the collapsing world. For most this would be the least of places to find peace. But she did. She thought about Han, he'd lost so much, his daughter, his life. She thought about the gone worlds of the Republic and how she would be one last casualty in the end. There was no going back, so she laid back and looked at the shifting skies thinking of all her regrets. 

Why had she not kissed the general in the lab? It would make her human, give her attachments and there's no return from that. She longed for her lost humanity. The humanity she killed. There is no more hoping, just death. Dying in the dark. And suddenly it all went dark. 

…

She didn't think she'd wake up, but she did in a great burst of light and sound. 

“Ohh, ow…” She huffed when she tried to sit up, her abdomen surged with stinging pain. She grit her teeth. She reached with her right arm to her face, but that too was cut short by searing pain. The wound on her shoulder fizzled into a dull pain. So she used her left, she traced the sewn cut up her face. That would always be a reminder. Her torso was wrapped in gauze bandages and her shoulder too, she studied the rest of her body for more injuries. She felt exposed and nervous. She carefully pulled the coarse blanket over her face. That really hurt. 

“Gahhh!” She groaned.

“You're finally awake?” Her general’s voice trailed through the room. She could see a shadow from under the blanket. 

“General? How?” She whispered. 

“Don't worry about it, you've been asleep for days.” Hux removed the blanket very slowly. 

“It felt like forever, but also a mere few seconds.” Kylo sighed. 

“Help me sit up.” 

Hux gripped her wrist and held her back to help Ren up. 

“We lost it all, Ren.” Hux sighed. 

“I'm aware. Where are we?” Kylo pointed to the stars passing by. 

“Haven't the faintest.” Hux sat back in the chair next to the bed. “We've failed Snoke, he want you, but I've got you for now. I'm not looking forward to seeing him anyway.” Her voice trailed away. 

“This will probably be the last time I see you for awhile.” Her voice cracked a bit. 

“Hux, I'm sorry.” All Ren had was sorrow. Beating back and licking her wounds. 

Shocked at the use of her name instead of general, she swallowed hard. “I feel I might slip up again. I'm starving for any comfort.” She bit her cheek.

She wanted some sort of affection, as did Ren, but they both knew it would go nowhere except down. 

“I know.” Kylo could feel her mind racing all over. “Think about rain.”

“What?”

“The rain, on your planet.” 

“Oh, yes. I want to hear it, but the current situation is roaring.” Hux sighed. 

“At least you're here, for now.” Her eyes stinging. Stop being so weak. Face your punishment like a man. You'll never see her again, you'll probably die. Don't get attached, walk away. Her thoughts raced. 

“Brenda, that's your name?”

“Uh, yeah… Only my father ever really called me that.” She read her mind. 

“It's pretty.” Tension was eating at her.

“Ren, don't…” Kylo had reached up to Hux’s face. “I've got nothing left to lose or win.” She replied. They pressed their foreheads together.

“I've got nothing.” Kylo whispered. “You've got a forest in your eyes and I wouldn't mind getting lost.”

At first their lips only brushed, Hux’s lips were soft and warm in contrast to Ren’s dry, cold, but soft lips. But they became more hungered kisses. Absorbing every sensation. Sight, taste, and smell. 

Ren’s hair was a soft mess. It hadn't been combed in days. But Hux couldn't stop touching it. She had to hold Ren’s head in place, by holding the back of her head and her back. She was definitely weaker than before. 

Let's embrace the point of no return. 

Hux pulled back and licked her lips, running her fingertips on Ren's. A cut on her lip had split open. 

“Ahha, your lip.” She choked. 

“Oh.” Ren saw the blood on Hux's lips. She gave a weak smile and found the cut with her finger. She spread the blood over her lips, dying them red and shiny. 

…

The kiss was a tipping point. They drifted through an infinity of stars, Hux debated telling Snoke that Ren was awake and alive or running away for awhile. Things had just begun to make sense for once, even though the stakes were so high. Who was she kidding? Snoke probably already knew. 

Her hands hovered over the coordinates on the datapad. Snoke was on one side of the galaxy, The Arkanis system was on the other. Her fingers shook. Ren was in no condition to be facing Snoke, so the decision was made. They would be as far from Snoke as possible. 

She briefly thought of how selfish and cowardly her decision was, running from her responsibilities. But she had a new one now. One that actually meant something to her, and her alone. 

“I smell like Nal Hutta, please tell me we've reached somethings or somewhere.” Ren had been more like herself lately. Talking and wondering around with a blanket draped over her shoulders, reminiscent of the burnt cape. She wasn't incredibly affectionate, but on occasion, she would drape her arm over Hux from behind. Of course, this provided very little warmth, in fact it provided the opposite. But Hux would hold onto her hands that rested on her chest while she sat in the navigation chair. 

“You’ll be happy to know, we have arrived.” Hux sighed, the knot in her stomach was growing. 

“Where?”  Ren studied the greenish planet covered with scattered clouds outside the ship. 

“My home.” It hadn’t been home in years. It was simply the place she was born. They made their way into the atmosphere, and were greeted by gentle drizzles. Hux had put in the coordinates of an old Imperial safehouse in the northern half of the planet. She remembered in her early childhood, the long extended stays there during the fall of the Empire. But now it had now been long vacant. 

It stood, dark and stoic on the edge of a great black cliff. Overgrown mossy forests hugged the back of it. Across the water was the tall mountains of her memories, filled with old relic bases of the old Empire. 

The minute they landed on the cliff’s edge, Kylo was biting at the bit to get out. Almost stir crazy. She run out into the soggy air and collapsed in the grass, Finally able to breath, to connect. 

“The Force is strong here, can’t you feel every living thing breathing? All the raindrops hit the ground.” Ren sunk her knees into the sod. 

“Ren, you’ll catch a cold.” Hux bolted out after her with the infirmary blanket. Ren’s wrapped feet were covered in mud and grass. 

“A cold would be welcome. I want to feel something new, other than the pain in my side.” She whimpered. “I don’t want to just sit and lick my wounds in a new place.” 

“How about we eat?” Hux offered, not sure of what to say.

“Eat what?”

“20 year old rations probably.” Hux almost chuckled. 

“Help me up, general.” Ren ordered. She was shaky on solid grounds and the way her feet sank into it didn’t improve this. 

The inside of the safehouse was musty and stale. Air not breathed in years. 

“Does this place even have power? We’ll freeze.” Ren shuddered. 

“It should, it ran off hydroelectric pumps down in the sea.” Hux slammed her blaster into the circuit board door. It opened with a cringe worthy shudder. 

“This stuff is ancient.” She complained as she fiddled with the switches and wires. Ren resigned to shivering behind her. The house suddenly came alive with a pained moan as the energy flickered on. The main hall was illuminated with the characteristic low light of the Empire architecture. The walls were decked in black covered in dust. 

“I think food should wait.” Ren studied her muck caked feet that dripped on the hard floors. 

“There’s a bath upstairs.” Hux reattached the circuit board door again. 

“You’ll have to show me, general.” Her voice was harsh. She pulled the blanket tighter around herself. 

“Okay…” Hux sighed. She walked ahead of Ren who still wobbled. She walked slower than a slug up the stairs, wincing at each step. Hux wanted to help her, but she became very aware of her boundries. Ren has resigned to calling her general. Maybe their kiss had been due to delirious state of Ren. 

The hallways groaned with the returned weight of inhabitants. 

“Where?”

“There.” Hux pointed to the half open slider doors. Of course they didn’t work, so Hux pushed them open. The room had tall windows that looked over the cliffs. The bed with the tall black frame was bare of any linens and the room lacked much more. No furniture, no synthetic light, no warmth. The door to the bath also did not work and Hux almost broke a sweat prying them apart. In the bath, everything had a thin layer of dust. The tap thankfully roared alive with a gush of murky water that diluted into clear warm water after several minutes. She sat on the tile edge of the tub to finally catch her breath. 

“Well, it works. I’ll go find those rations I suppose, then probable check the data dumps for any news.” Hux droned and got up, but Ren stood still in the door jam.

“You’ll have to help me, general.” She whispered. 

“Huh?” Hux gulped, her throat however was dry as a bone.

“Please.”

“Yes.” Hux obediently dropped to her knees. She began to untie Ren’s foot wrappings, working up as they unraveled. She caked mud under her nails, but she worked harder. She felt like some servant. 

As she finished up the last leg, she felt Ren’s hand in her hair. 

“Your hair is nice, now do the top.” She was very straight forward. Hux nodded her head in agreement. 

“Uh huh.” She muttered. Her cheeks were flaming. 

Hux started at the shoulder, being as careful as she could with shaking hands. Her fingers would not steady. Soon she was slowing removing the wrapped bandage from around Ren’s torso, layer by excrutiating layer. Until Ren stood barebacked to Hux. 

Ren tenderly touched the flesh around the wound on her abdomen. A scar on her face to remind her of Rey. A scar on her side to remind her of Han Solo. 

Ren’s body had plenty of other small scars, she had been something of a villainous nomad for years. Collecting scars like stories. Her back also carried on her characteristic dark spots like freckles. 

Hux turned on the tap, letting the water run, it wasn’t long before steam filled the room. The air was warm and heavy. 

“Ren. Did you?” She paused for a moment. Ren turned very slowly around. Her arms crossed over her chest. 

“You mean a great deal to me, general. Your help is welcomed.” She kept her arms close but moved forward to Hux. “I need help, you see.” She fiddled with the front of her uniform. Hux grabbed her wrists and held Ren still for a second. She pursed her lips in indecision, but she started to lean in. She paused then pressed forward into a tender kiss. A kiss that became slowly aware and more soft. 

Ren’s hands ran over the uniform. 

“Let me.” Hux whispered, she more easily made work of the uniform. She stripped away to her own thin binding. She leaned in and down to run her lips softly over Ren’s neck. Ren finally relaxed her arms down. Hux slid her hands down Ren’s torso down to her hips. She pushed down the last bit of clothing, letting it fall down to Ren’s ankles. 

Ren held onto Hux’s back as Hux pulled up Ren’s leg to her waist. Her leg wedged slightly between Ren’s. Ren was easy to hoist up, she was ever willing. 

Careful not to slip, Hux lifted Ren and herself into the tub. She sank them into the water. Ren winced at the new temperature and clinged harder to Hux. Ren was quite comfortable in her lap, clinging on for dear life. 

Hux ran her hands over every inch of bare skin. It was so soft and the scars were like brail written in the flesh. Ren finally kissed back instead of Hux initiating every kiss and touch, she was shy in exploring, much more reserved to careful touches. She really like the general’s orangey hair, she imagined it smelling like citrus. 

Hux grabbed Ren’s hands intertwining their fingers, preventing Ren from more hair play. She went in and planted a kiss while gripping Ren’s hands still, in return Ren bit her bottom lip. Copper filled up her mouth. 

Hux pushed her partner all the way against the opposite side of the tub. Ren lip go of her lip with a squeak. She ground her hip in between her thighs and kept her mouth on Ren’s. She let go of her hands and plunged hers into the water. They swam around like fishes up and down Ren’s thighs. 

Ren was easy to tease, every little touch brought some sort of reaction. When her hands found her way into her inner thighs, the better reactions began. Goosebumps and little vocalizations. She would kiss the edges of Ren’s chin and work her hands and nails on her thighs. 

This worked for awhile until she became acutely aware of the muck in the water. Hux groaned and lifted Ren by the thighs out of the water, Ren latched on without hesitation. 

The air outside the bath was unforgiving. Their wet skin erupted in bumps and shivering was a staple. It didn’t help that the bed was bare, but at that point it almost didn’t matter. Hux ignored her body screams for heat and used her own small amount to fuel Ren. 

She kissed her neck as she brought Ren down onto the bed that surprisingly gave enough to be comfortable. This she kissed her chest. Supple and smooth, answered by little reverberations of pleasure. Then she kissed her stomach, careful of fresh wounds. Her hands still trailed Ren’s chest. Ren’s sighs enticed her to keep going. Kissing the pelvic arches. Leaving light love bruises. She licked away the remaining water. 

For a moment she became aware of their surroundings. The rain was like bullets against the windows. She scooted back up to Ren’s mouth. 

“I'll be right back.” She muffled between kisses.

“Mhmm.” Her response was muffled by lips. 

Hux got up and started a frantic search for linen or something. The vast halls still bit with cold. 

“Ah, fuck.” She hissed and returned to the room. Ren was huddled in a mass of old linens. Trying to conserve her very little heat.

“Where?” 

“Under the mattress. I could feel em.”

“But you didn't say anything?”

“I wanted to watch you run around all hot and bothered.” She laughed. Not totally out of character, but definitely not consistent.

“You're bad.” Hux crawled like a cat onto the bed, making her way into Ren’s bundle. They once again shared the same air. 

“I must confess, my tenderness for you is inconvenient.” Ren sighed as Hux traced her scars. 

“Hmm?” Hux pretended not to hear, but she knew the truth of their flirtation. Nothing ever is meant to last. 

“Nothing. Continue.” Ren said quietly. It wasn't that Ren was oblivious to Hux’s feelings, but she knew she could get attached, her mind had begun to clear. But she could also clearly see Hux’s. She was vulnerable and easy to break right now. They were on the brink of capsize. 

Hux worked her hands into Ren’s innermost thighs. Trailing around the edges. With the softest touch she worked her fingers in. Her partner nearly choked on air. Next came the sighs that sounded so good. Noises she could never imagine Ren making, but yet. She gripped Hux's shoulders, her nails beginning to dig in. 

She plunged down into the sea of sheets, removing her gooey fingers. Ren blossomed like a flower under her touch.

She was in fact a perfect flower. Warm and sweet. Her tongue lapped the nectar and explored. She kissed those lower lips feverishly. Teeth against the softest of flesh. Ren’s sighs morphed into almost cries. She felt weak and exposed, something she never dreamed of feeling, especially with someone she viewed so long as a subordinate. She really screamed when fingers dipped into her pie. It sent little electric currents through her arms and legs. Everything in the room became blurry as her eyes filled with water. 

Then her focus became a needle after release. She made them fly back in different directions. Hux fell completely off the bed. Ren curled up trying to catch her breath. Hux sat up again the cold window, wiping her fingers across her chest. Just like honey. 

Hux flopped herself over the edge of the bed. Ren laid out like a sculpture. The grey light made her look like stone. Everything was perfectly sculpted and filled in. Ren was still shaking.

“You'll shake to pieces.” Hux cooed as she crawled up onto the bed. 

“Too late it seems.” Her voice cracked. She knew what she was thinking. There's no going back. 

Hux crawled on top of Ren. She cupped her face and kissed her tears. 

“My face hurts.” She whimpered. 

“I'll kiss it better.” 

Leia would say things like that. 

Hux ran her fingers through Ren's inky hair, the color of a starless sky. Ren lay still.

Don't get attached. Don't get any ideas. This can mean nothing to you, but it means everything to her. She wanted to scream. 

“Stop!” She sat straight up, slamming her fist into the tall frame, sending cracks in the wood. The bed shuddered with the blow. 

“Get away! Get off!” Ren screeched. She started to rip up linens and pulverize the bed. Screaming and yelling like an enraged animal. As she settled the feathers and cloth settled too. 

“I'll never know what could have been.” She choked. “I'll never know. I'll never know.”

“I don't know what's going to happen. But we are here now, and it feels like a lifetime.” Hux covered her in a sheet and wrapped herself up as well.

“We're products of other people's wills.” She sighed, wrapping an arm around Ren. 

“It's funny, you came from a world so different from this, being raised by rebels, no less the sister of Luke Skywalker yet here you are. It would have been strange if I went the other way after being raised in the remnants of the Empire.” She almost chuckled. 

“You were a product of your upbringing, I was not.”

“That's not totally true, not for anyone.” Hux refrained. 

 


End file.
